I don't have a lot of rules as a manager. Except this one.

Conflict at work is inevitable.

In a fast-paced environment with multiple projects and individual goals, signals get missed, wires get crossed, priorities clash.

So I have one rule as a manager:

You can't complain ABOUT someone until you complain TO them

Most conflict at work isn't malicious—it's because people aren't communicating. As a manager, I have one rule when an employee grouses about someone else: Talk to them.

Stop trying to read minds

We're all scriptwriters. We create elaborate stories in our heads about what others are thinking. We conjure nefarious motives when things don't go our way.

The truth is often benign

Your enemy at work doesn't know how you feel. It's unlikely they're working to spite you. They have their own struggles, deadlines, insecurities and demands.

Start talking … and listening

When you sit down human-to-human, share your frustrations and listen to theirs, magic happens. Suddenly your cartoon enemy becomes a real person. You may not agree, but you'll understand their motivation and the know the true story.

Put the skunk on the table

Being quietly frustrated with someone else accomplishes nothing. When you find yourself complaining about someone at work, that's your cue that you need to sit down and talk to them. Immediately.

Candor is hard

Most of us are wired to avoid hard conversations. We'd rather remain frustrated with someone than tell them directly how we feel. Fight this tendency—always have direct conversations when you find yourself complaining about someone.