10 Places to See Just Before You Die
- The trunk of Jimmy “Little Fingers” Colucci’s Lincoln Town Car (Continental Edition), two hours after an untimely missed field goal that failed to cover the spread in the Browns-Vikings Thursday Night Football game.
- Seat 16B of an oversold Somon Air Ilyushin Il-114 regional jet (“Tajikistan’s Low Fare Leader!”) from Dushnabe to Tehran, during a thunderstorm at night while flying low over the Pamir Mountains in week two of an aircraft pilots’ labor dispute.
- “Hippo World” at the Omaha, Nebraska zoo, on the day that Bring Your Daughter to Work day happens to coincide with the new summer internship program that gives high school students valuable hands-on experience working at an animal care facility.
- The Texarkana County Fair’s First Annual Raw Habanero Chili Pepper Eating Contest, tent four, table nine, minute seven, bushel three, adjacent to the main grandstand where Hall and Oates are covering Firestarter by Prodigy.
- The harness shack beneath Platform 1 of Tegucigalpa Wild Adventures’ Ultimate Extreme Slingshot Zip Line Canopy Tour in Roatan, Honduras, Central America’s longest, highest and 100%-unregulated jungle experience.
- Electricity Live! Las Vegas’s thrilling new attraction that demonstrates how the power of 750,000 volts of electricity can harmlessly pass through the human body, directly next to the Sharks Live! two million gallon saltwater aquarium tank which was recently reinforced with new, more powerful seam sealant.
- Ringside, premium reserved VIP seats at Elks Lodge #432 for the debut of North Dakota’s La Lucha Libre Mexican-Style Wrestlefest super heavyweight match (“No rules! No ref! No ropes!”) pitting Jorge “Jumbo” Ackerson versus Pablo “Big Grande” Hanrahan.
- Doug Billy’s Army/Navy Surplus and Bait Store in downtown Bayonne, New Jersey, 2nd floor, aisle three, bottom shelf: “Vietnam-war Era U.S. Marines Certified Decommissioned Land Mines, Hand Grenades and Anti-Aircraft Artillery.”
- The shower in room 219 of the El Segundo, California, La Quinta Inn (non-smoking queen, government rate), 174 minutes after accepting a new name (“Tiffany LaGrande”) through the FBI Witness Relocation Program, but prior to being actually relocated.
- Grand Canyon, Arizona, North Rim, at the beginning of the Rim to River Galloping Day Trip led by Hoedown Tours, the only park concessionaire that works with 100% rehabilitated bucking broncos that are rescued from rodeos across the United States.
